Funny, I wrote a whole comedy piece basically saying the same thing.
Yours was much more polite 
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Andddddd it’s officially a small world. I know the course, and just finished my first Crit there last weekend (your 2nd race). See you out there!
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Check out NorCal Cycling on youtube, loads of Bay Area crits with some great advice and tips from Jeff. He’s recently done the Couch to Crit series where he worked with a young guy just starting out in cycling to get him race-ready.
My favourite tip of his is to do as little work as humanly possible. If training is where you aim to hit PRs for power/duration/speed etc, races are where you aim for PWs (personal worsts).
Did this Thursday night event again. 30 minutes as before. Field about the same, but a little stronger, minus the guy that won last week. This week I marked the guy that took second last week who I thought was the next strongest. I basically sat on him the entire time. Unfortunately for him (his second crit also) he fell into the same trap I did in my first race. He worked probably 9 of 10 laps and cooked himself. I had a plan to attack the field on a straight about .25 miles out from the finish before a 180 degree turn about 200 meters from the line. It’s right after the 6% hill and thought people may be a little tired from the race and then the climb. The only problem was the guy I marked finally dropped back a few spots and I mistakenly found myself on the front. I thought, what now? I didn’t have much choice so I decided I would attack off the front rather than from the pack. I ramped it up from 250watts to 1070 watts and got like 4 bike lengths right away. I knew it was over and I just needed to keep my speed. Did 700 watts for about 16 seconds before railing the corner. Started to sprint, but looked back and just held it at about 700 watts to maintain the gap. Rolled across the line in first comfortably. The tactics definitely helped compared to me doing all the work. Guiltily I felt like I could have attacked anywhere with the same result this time.
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When in doubt, lead it out!!
Congrats on the win!
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Seward park crit? Or something else
City of Rockhill Criterium Course
That’s awesome. Congrats!
Glad to hear you didn’t wipe out pumping your fist as you were crossing the line! 
Fantastic result.
You should start a blog / vlog