I love cycling and the speed it brings, but after 5 years and my kids getting older, the tradeoffs seem to be stacking higher and higher.
My goal was to be relevant and fast in the local group ride, just the “B” not even the “A” ride. If I can’t do that on 10-12 hours as week, which is already more than I can afford, maybe I should cut my loses and go back to what I’m actually good at?
I’ve half jokingly told my wife to arrange for my bikes to be stolen so I could finally have a good enough reason to quit. Maybe she can surprise me for my next birthday. I’d certainly be healthier and look better if I just went through the motions at the gym, ate healthy, and slept well.
Then I go for one of those nice rides and realize it’s sort of worth it and I’d really miss it.
I am getting a bit tired of rebuilding fitness 3 times a year due to crashes, Epstein Barr flare up, being busy at work, etc. I totally get where you’re coming from.
Neither of us are going to quit though.
Rather than give up cycling, why not figure out what else you can enjoy about it than being super fast? The coffee and trash talk on my weekly Saturday ride are extremely enjoyable even if I don’t animate or compete the fast part of it. Better to slow down a little than quit altogether!
I was doing 15-17hrs per week last season and found I just didn’t enjoy the training as much as when I am more in the 10-14hr range, so that’s where I will stay even though my numbers probably won’t be as good. I’m happier. 
You might be surprised how fast you can be on 6-8hrs of consistent, quality training/riding. Takes a bit less to maintain what you have than it does to grow it.
Its hard to give up the cyclist identity. Its a lifestyle. To be at your potential, cycling requires the butt in saddle. Prior to cycling, I off road motoed, sailed catamarans, windsurfed, streetbikes, kayaks ect. My garage is nothing but a toybox. Over the years, I had stopped doing those things because of the time commitment of cycling. I have recently been backing off the cycling and doing those other things. Am I great at 5-6 hrs a week on the bike? No but I am happier. My cycling sees a huge break in the heat of the summer. 8 weeks off the bike. Its just miserable in Texas. I just go to the lake now. Because my fitness isnt great, Ill do club group rides but they are at shorter distances and speeds. I still MTB because its fun. I still can roll for hours bikepacking just not fast as I was and it takes longer to recover. This year planning a bike trip to Oregon in July knowing Im done with the bike until fall. Maybe do something similar. Find when biking in your area is optimum, train for that or an early season event. Then engage with the family in an activity that you all can do with the rest of your time.
Maybe just change the goals? What does it mean to be relevant?
I’ve personally been through the whole spectrum. In my twenties, while racing, I could hold my own in the A group ride and I was one of the kings of my own’s club ride and I was only a cat 4 at the time.
I started group riding again at 50 years old and I was seriously off the back and then at least able to hold on, take pulls, and factor in a sprint or two. Then we moved and my new group ride had ex-pros, an Olympian, a female pro mountain biker and I was seriously outclassed at 55 years old. Still, it was fun.
I’m kind of at the point where I don’t want to kill myself just to hang with the B group of twenty-somethings anymore. I’m kind of on the hunt for a fast old geezer group and may start one myself.
Also, I left cycling after I quit racing. I really regret that. I was burned out on the grind and gave it all up. I wish I had transitioned to riding 3-5 hours per week and then training for a few centuries and other events per year. I think at the time, it was hard mentally to go from racer to less fit recreational rider.
Do your kids enjoy riding? My wife and i got into racing cross through our kids, and its become our main shared family activity. Particularly for cross and MTB, lots of opportunities to get a competition fix and still have family time
I could never give it up. I come from a family that loves things with wheels. Now in my 70’s I have come to realize I can’t beat those 30 something’s on a ride, even at my max heart rate. However if there is someone up the road my mind says catch them. Funny how the mind works.
Just my 2 cents
I read your post and wondered give up cycling or give up competitiveness while cycling?
I gave up MTB racing many years ago when I realized I didn’t have the time nor the motivation to make time to be competitive. It’s no fun thrashing myself and coming in mid pack week over week and no prospect of getting on a podium. I still spent a lot of time mountain biking and enjoying it without turning it into a competition.
When I ride now, I ride without giving a shit what others around me are doing, and especially ignoring Strava segments. There will always be those who are faster than me and I will be faster than others and I don’t stake my enjoyment of cycling on “beating others”. I train as much as I can to ride at a level I want, not for comparison to others and accept what my ability and limitations are.
If I need to be frustrated and humbled, I just go for a round of golf…
Find a way to make it fun, these days chasing new miles on wandrer.earth is what makes riding fun for me, 4.7 w/log is not coming back for me so I found a new way to enjoy riding. If you’re not being paid to riding has to be enjoyable
Seems like you have been feeling this for some time. You posted similar feelings in this thread back in March.
Personally I would takes some time off, enjoy time with family, get a mountain bike, and hit the trails with friends. Ride when you want to, not when you have to. Come back to more structured training when/if the fire returns.
Hope the mojo comes back soon!
I took 8 months off the bike last year. I rowed 20 minutes a day 5 days per week, played around with dumbbells, and tried to run a bit (which was like 2 miles a couple times a week).
That minimal amount of working out kept me fit enough that when I decided to get back on the bike, I got 90% of my old FTP in just a couple months on half the training load. I’m now at 94% of my old FTP still on a much lower CTL.
I have never given it up but focus has changed from mountan bike racing to cross to time trials to ultra gravel to brevets back to time trials and now back to mtb racing. You can get pretty close to you potential on ~6 hrs per week or less. Maybe there is a genre that will feel right at this moment.
Joe
Why think of it as “training”? Are you making a living at it? Maybe just go ride your bike. It is more enjoyable when you have some fitness, and I know I like structured workouts even though my racing days ended a few decades ago. But unless you are making a living racing your bike, or have aspirations to do so, it’s still a hobby in the end. It really sucks to make a hobby a job and deal with the anxiety that this creates, especially when you have career and family obligations. Maybe adjust your expectations and take it down a notch. You win if you have fun in your bike, stay safe, can maintain a modicum of fitness, and can hang with your friends.
It’s ok to take time for yourself and ok for you to enjoy your hobby as you can.
Set aside some part of your family life for yourself - you matter too and it matters that you get some time under your control. Your wife and your kids time/space matters too; aggressively push for them to take/own it.
10-12 hours is enough to enjoy cycling and perform for 4hr events. Anything more than that didn’t matter as much.
Give up cycling and running? I value my mental health too much…and that at the end of the day is the most important thing. No ifs no buts 
This.
Why not focus on the joy of cycling instead of setting yourself goals that get harder to reach each year? I’d reduce my hours if your time on the bike comes with too many other compromises (time with your kids, etc.).
Do you enjoy structured training? Or do you prefer to just hit the road/trail and ride? Can you combine that with other activities? I sometimes put our two kids in the trailer and go out for a 2–4-hour bike ride. I just ask my wife for how long she wants a break and then oblige. The kids tend to sleep no matter how rough the terrain. That’s a great setup for endurance kilometers.
You can be really fast with only 10 hours
It just sounds like you need a break. There are always going to be times in. Life when we need to rethink what we do and why we do it. There are times I like the group rides and there are times they just don’t fit for me. I have learned I am happier doing what I enjoy. I have a very competitive mindset so I have learned to avoid activities that get me back into that mindset.
Once you learn that self worth doesn’t come from being good at something, it doesn’t come from being bad at something, you’ll fall back in love with cycling and find your path. Good luck.
Try training for some power goals. I felt bored with cycling in 2020 when I wanted to train but knew I didn’t have time to do racing. I targeted training for 1, 3, and 5 min power PR (like a short time trial). That gave me motivation and kept me going.
Tbh, if you don’t like it, then move on. 10-12hpw is a big commitment to not be having fun.