So I’ve signed up to a few epic rides this year (200km/300km hilly audaxes). In another thread I have documented my experiences throughout my cycling journey (8 years, up and down weight, up and down fitness, always unable to break 250w FTP, currently 64kg, poor recovery, under fuelling and eating disorder, anxiety and depression etc.)
I get severe anxiety before most rides even before easy group rides. I’m not sure whether this is a psycho-somatic response to being in a state of excessive fatigue/undernourishment so my body is trying to avoid the physical stress of bike riding. Alternatively this could be a matter of ramping up my exposure.
For instance, as I write the first of these epic events is tomorrow (hilly 200km). Today I am planning an easy group spin after resting yesterday.
My question is whether I should accept my physical issues at the moment and simply skip this event or whether it’s just standard pre ride anxiety?
You can’t know until you show up, anxiety means that you care, which definitely means you should show up.
When asked about his long career as a top soccer player cristiano ronaldo mentioned that it was this feeling of pressure and danger before the big days that he would miss the most, learning to love this part of the equation and separate it from process or procedural stress that you can mitigate directly with planning or relaxation.
There are many things you can say to someone who is sweating these moments, a nice craft beer from the area you are visiting can be nice before bed, and also just remind people that they are going to a place where everyone is going to be focused on cycling and that they given their training experience levels, commitment and just general presence in the sport, they would be right at home in this environment.
Is it SAG supported? If it was me, as long as I had a safe backup/out plan, I’d go & ride. Unless you’re actually real-deal sick or injured.
What about this? Just go out with the at-the-back-pack. Tell yourself you’ll do the first 30km & see how you feel. If you feel like you’re getting crushed execute a 180 and ride back to base. No disaster, nice little 60k ride.
On the other hand, you may find once you’re out there after a chill extended warmup that your anxiety is gone & the REALITY of the ride is much more pleasant than the ANTICIPATION of the ride.
I don’t know about OP but at 30km I am usually just starting to get warmed up, otherwise your suggestion is good
I hope you go to the event and that when you get there your feelings prove to be excited anticipation for the ride.
And that you do it, complete it well and enjoy it.
Then get ready for the next one!
Similar to what ivegotabike said, but instead of hoping your feelings turn out to be excitement, consciously work at reframing your anxiety by telling yourself you are excited. Sounds too simple to work, but try it every time you show up for a ride. Best of luck!
Why don’t you take a step back and just hit pause? Here are a few things I noticed/asked myself when reading your posts:
- You don’t mention words like joy or fun at all.
- You admit that you have unhealthy patterns in many areas of your life (eating, lack of recovery, etc.). When it comes to cycling, are you building new, healthy patterns or replicating the same old, unhealthy ones?
- Perhaps structured training and competition is not what you need right now.
- Maybe just approach cycling from the fun/joy perspective. And if it doesn’t bring you joy, why keep doing it?
It’s nearly always possible to go for other distances. You might enjoy that a lot more knowing that you can complete it. Cycling does not become more fun just because you’re cycling a longer distance.
If you know you are underfuelling and still have the other issues you mentioned, I dont know why you would want to do a 200/300k hilly event.
It’s audax, self supported, other than if organiser has manned controls. No outside support allowed. It’s also non competitive. No signage. Fatigue resistance is the key, and no one rides at threshold for long unless unavoidable (steep hills). It’s not sustainable over the distance.
For the OP, I’ve been riding Audax nigh on 15 years now. I still have a few nerves coming out the winter and back up the distances. A few nerves are good, but they will settle down an hour or two in the events and then you can just focus on turning those pedals. Once you’ve got one or two events of the new season in the legs, things will settle down, to where you are at.
Suffice to say I woke on the day and went for it, with more excitement than I’d been experiencing in the previous week. I think high life stress has been impacting my mentality and manifested in a funk of going excessive into the negative energy. A negative coping mechanism, needing all aspects of the trying, nutrition to be ‘extra’ to fill the lack of emotional positivity at this time in my life.
At the root of it though I do very much enjoy what cycling, trying and nutrition bring to my life - they can just become over relied upon when other bits of my life go a bit mad.
The ride was tough and brought some major fuelling challenges that managed to surpass. Veloforte bars, chews, gels got me through and the odd ham and cheese sandwich. Cheers for all the tips and advice.
That is a big ride. I salute you! 
Glad you went and did it.
Your 300 next, enjoy and well done on the 200.
Yep that wasn’t my first 200 but the 300km will be my first 300audax despite doing a 12hr tt in the past I don’t think that compares to the hilly parcours of the audax world.
This Sunday 16th has another savage 200km on the cards but I’m hoping that I don’t succumb to what feels like a creeping bout of a cold
Well done @Boysey95! 
Totally understandable to be nervous about approaching this sort of thing, but you’ve cracked the nut!
I ride audax in Australia. I have my achilles heels too (heat, lumpy terrain).
I found it valuable to stretch out the distances gradually, doing so at times that it didn’t matter, each time adding 20-30k to my previous best. On one ride my previous best was 205km, so I planned a 160km loop ending at my home where I could eat, restock, & assess how I was feeling. Did I have another 45k or more in my legs? What it meant was, as I was stepping into the unknown, I had a bailout available if needed. Naturally I went out again, & ended up totalling 230km.
This may or may not be viable depending upon how long it is until your first 300k this year. If you’re chasing audax awards you could even schedule a 150-200km permanent & ride it at an exertion level that permits adding an extra bit on the end. I’d recommend keeping elevation gain of the entire ride somewhat proportional to the first 300k you’re targeting.
Great stuff. I’ll probably forego tomorrow’s hilly 200km as back to back weeks with train in between might be a bit much for me tbh.